Friday, March 11, 2005

The Last Bit.

I read and post to comp.os.linux.advocacy (COLA) every so often. As I said earlier I am annoyed by penguinistas the type of person who argues strenuously for government interference in the market place to favor Linux instead of Microsoft. I detest Microsoft but Microsoft is not licensed by the people to wield deadly force so I fear governmental interference more than a strong and robust competition by Microsoft. Penguinistas often whine how MS has violated laws and the government is not enforcing those laws. Those laws do not change the fact what they want is government interference in the market place.

It was about two years ago I wrote this piece and posted it to COLA it did not spark any serious discussion but did merit a few chuckles.

BTW I was searching for this last night (I have a copy on a couple of hard drives which are on my project list to remove from old PC and place into current PC) and I found a post of mine from September 10, 2001. It was in a meadmakers newsgroup. We can not return to that world.

UNS - March 11, 2005 Washington D.C.

In an amazing development today, the Anti-Unfair Business Practices Division of the US Department of Justice filed suit against Linux distributors in order to stop unfair business practices. When asked what was unfair about Linux AUBPD lawyer Rex Theodore responded: "Linux is unfair due to its pricing. You can download this operating system free of charge or pay a pittance and get it". "In addition there is nothing stopping you from putting that software onto thousands of computers". "Clearly this is unfair and will only serve to drive out the makers of other operating systems". Mr. Theodore then went on to say that this will strengthen the marketplace by ensuring that other operating systems do not get driven from the marketplace by Linux's predatory pricing scheme.

When it was noted that Linux hackers who usually do their work for free because they enjoy being bleary eyed at 5:30 in the morning, have no objections whatsoever about giving their work away for free or next to nothing, Mr.Theodore said "It does not matter, we must stop these practices or else Linux will come to dominate the market and consumers will have no choice". Furthermore when noted that many Linux users do enjoy the labor of crafting their systems to fit their needs as closely as a wetsuit on a curvaceous blonde Mr. Theodore retorted: "Fit their needs? What do they know about needs and blondes? Don't they know about the needs of the people who write operating systems? They should get paid." When asked about what Mr. Theodore thought would be a fair price Mr. Theodore got real excited, clearly he is a man with a plan "We are kicking about a couple of ideas. The common component is that the price be at least $75 per Linux installation. From there we have several different ideas. I favor throwing two ten sided dice. The purple die will be the tens digit and the green die will be the ones digit. We will throw them and then add from $1 to $100 as the dykes, whoops, I mean dice indicate to that base price. With multiples of 1x, 10x and 100x for desktop installations, waiter installations and enterprise waiter installations respectively. Another suggestion came from one of my staffers she thinks we should throw up 100 pennies up into the air and count how many fall into a six foot diameter circle and that count will determine the addend to the $75 base price with the same multiples. Scott McNealy from Sun Microsystems is suggesting that we just seed a random number generator on one of his workstations and let that decide the price. Mr. McNealy stated that his program for doing this is already running and has been tested. Mr. McNealy says with a sly smile that "It will find the right price, for Linux".

The Linux u$er community i$ in $hock over thi$ $peedily ari$ing $ituation. $i$$y Albatro$ a famou$ per$on in the Linux u$er community i$ $pitting up$et over thi$. "We $tand for freedom!" Lucy $houted $trenou$ly. If you do not want to give your life$ work away for nothing than you are a $tinky $limey $lithering blood$ucking $nail [leach doe$ not have an $ in it]!" "How dare
that $not no$ed $illy $ini$ter pinhead from Ju$tice tell u$ that we can not give our operating $y$tem grati$!"

When Bill Gates of Microsoft Corporation was asked for comment he had little to say other than "I hate to say I told you so but I told you so. Play with fire and you get burned. Well now maybe our ER OS can compete" When asked to comment on this an anonymous market watcher said, the government must step in when a company abuses the market place, besides the best way to price goods is clearly one of the methods outlined by Mr. Theodore. When asked that how can a
free operating system of Linux's power and stability not benefit the consumer the analyst noted: "No it is quite harmful because when Linux drives out the competition just think of what will happen then. Everyone will have to go around with that annoying penguin on their desktops on their servers at least if it were a harp seal I could club it and make a nice fur clothing item out of it. We need choice how about allowing users to put a dodo on their desktop? Is that asking too much?". "People need choice!"

A supporter of free markets noted: "This interference by the government is clearly wrongheaded. Back in the olden days of computing oh say one half year ago most people had win* on their systems. Sure it crashed regularly, but they [the users] did not have to figure out obscure commands and understand the complexities of a multi-user operating system. For those who were capable and more importantly motivated it was a small hurdle to overcome, but for most people it was 'how do I use that stupid clam chowder command again and was it New England or Manhattan style? I can not print out that greeting card if I can't clam chowder something or another!', it wasn't for them." Nowadays casual users do not have to worry about all of that with sLinux [single Linux] and it is free to boot, but now that the Justice Department is stepping in the party is over." "It is wrong I tell you!". "I was trying to tell the Linux community to oppose the DOJ's earlier action against MS, not to let a dangerous precedent be set and to hit the server market hard, get Linux into small shops, get Linux into charitable institutions, get it onto power user desktops and get it noticed and things will follow, especially when Linux started to get serious corporate backing from big shot data processing firms. But it all too late now Ahhh sayang puwede pang gamitin perro hindi ngayon libre iyan."

God! Satire can be fun!

Have a good night!