The Last Bit.
Yes it is now time for The Last bit.
This is the hardest part of blogging. I try to keep The Last Bit humorous for many reasons. Writing and blogging humor is much more fun and it is apparently more fun to read as the two The Last Bit columns that were humorous got linked to by bigger blogfish than myself. But humor can be hard to write as you have to be in the mood for it and it does take a certain flair.
By the way did you see this report from the UNS?
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April 3rd, 2005 Uptonomowoc Minnesota
UNS
Jerry Andcriem of Uptonomowoc Minnesota is claiming the starving to death of the disabled is a good thing! His motive? Simple, Jerry weighs 730 pounds and is laying claim to their food supply.
Jerry has been morbidly obese for seven years now and his recent letter to the editor in support of Michael Schiavo says "Come on, if they are a vegetable, shouldn't they be battered and fried or at least dipped in cheese? Pull the tubes and direct those resources up here! I am hungry when do I eat?" When it was pointed out the term vegetable referred to a person's cognitive state Jerry said "Why don't they just say something simple? I am hungry when do I eat?"
The letter raised much outrage from the Uptonomowoc community. Jay Chipas replied "This is awful, Jerry should have more compassion for the less fortunate. It is clear he has an obsession with food and this obsession has gone too far!" Dr. Olive Char a doctor at the local clinic retorted in a letter that the food the disabled get is often times tasteless and is supplied direct to the stomach rather than orally. This made no impression on Jerry who said: "Oh come on! They must be pureeing up some prime rib to feed them! I could have that instead and with me you don't have to puree it! I am hungry when do we eat?"
Jerry's doctor Dr. Reuben Sandvidge is not proud of his most famous patient. "As a doctor I am supposed to help him. I try to tell him to go on a diet, to lose some weight. All he does is to eat and eat and eat. What can I do? I try to explain to Jerry all human life has immeasurable worth but all he does is repsond: 'I'm hungry, when do we eat?' I am at my wits end with him."
Jerry's attorney George Felon says most people are not being reasonable. "Jerry is one big metabolizing mass of mitochondria. All of those mitochondria demand fuel! Jerry's request is reasonable, resources are being wasted on non-productive members of society and it would be nice if we could let them go and then give Jerry the freed up food resources." When noted that Jerry is collecting public benefits because due to his size he is considered disabled George responded: "Jerry is absolutely productive! Why he is a valued resource for the Nielsen rating company who frequently contact Jerry to find out what TV shows he watches! The TV ratings would not be the same without Jerry!" Then Mr. Felon says with a sly grin "By the way I have to go, I promised Jerry I would take him to Suey Buffet 'Where all you can eat means all you can eat!'"
Jerry's parents say they love him despite his obsession with food and the stir he has caused. Jerry's mother Peaches Andcriem says "Why I remember when he was born, he was only 6-1/2 pounds. He seemed normal but he always cried and nothing would sate him except--food. His first words were 'I'm hungry, when do we eat?', it was unusual but as parents you are always happy to hear your infant's first words, we thought little of it." Jerry's father Spud no small potato himself said: "I have always been a big eater myself but by the age of seven, Jerry was out-eating me!"
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Incredible!
Good Night & may God Bless and forgive you all!
This is the hardest part of blogging. I try to keep The Last Bit humorous for many reasons. Writing and blogging humor is much more fun and it is apparently more fun to read as the two The Last Bit columns that were humorous got linked to by bigger blogfish than myself. But humor can be hard to write as you have to be in the mood for it and it does take a certain flair.
By the way did you see this report from the UNS?
=============================================================
April 3rd, 2005 Uptonomowoc Minnesota
UNS
Fat Man in Minnesota is Claiming Disabled's Share of Food!
Jerry Andcriem of Uptonomowoc Minnesota is claiming the starving to death of the disabled is a good thing! His motive? Simple, Jerry weighs 730 pounds and is laying claim to their food supply.
Jerry has been morbidly obese for seven years now and his recent letter to the editor in support of Michael Schiavo says "Come on, if they are a vegetable, shouldn't they be battered and fried or at least dipped in cheese? Pull the tubes and direct those resources up here! I am hungry when do I eat?" When it was pointed out the term vegetable referred to a person's cognitive state Jerry said "Why don't they just say something simple? I am hungry when do I eat?"
The letter raised much outrage from the Uptonomowoc community. Jay Chipas replied "This is awful, Jerry should have more compassion for the less fortunate. It is clear he has an obsession with food and this obsession has gone too far!" Dr. Olive Char a doctor at the local clinic retorted in a letter that the food the disabled get is often times tasteless and is supplied direct to the stomach rather than orally. This made no impression on Jerry who said: "Oh come on! They must be pureeing up some prime rib to feed them! I could have that instead and with me you don't have to puree it! I am hungry when do we eat?"
Jerry's doctor Dr. Reuben Sandvidge is not proud of his most famous patient. "As a doctor I am supposed to help him. I try to tell him to go on a diet, to lose some weight. All he does is to eat and eat and eat. What can I do? I try to explain to Jerry all human life has immeasurable worth but all he does is repsond: 'I'm hungry, when do we eat?' I am at my wits end with him."
Jerry's attorney George Felon says most people are not being reasonable. "Jerry is one big metabolizing mass of mitochondria. All of those mitochondria demand fuel! Jerry's request is reasonable, resources are being wasted on non-productive members of society and it would be nice if we could let them go and then give Jerry the freed up food resources." When noted that Jerry is collecting public benefits because due to his size he is considered disabled George responded: "Jerry is absolutely productive! Why he is a valued resource for the Nielsen rating company who frequently contact Jerry to find out what TV shows he watches! The TV ratings would not be the same without Jerry!" Then Mr. Felon says with a sly grin "By the way I have to go, I promised Jerry I would take him to Suey Buffet 'Where all you can eat means all you can eat!'"
Jerry's parents say they love him despite his obsession with food and the stir he has caused. Jerry's mother Peaches Andcriem says "Why I remember when he was born, he was only 6-1/2 pounds. He seemed normal but he always cried and nothing would sate him except--food. His first words were 'I'm hungry, when do we eat?', it was unusual but as parents you are always happy to hear your infant's first words, we thought little of it." Jerry's father Spud no small potato himself said: "I have always been a big eater myself but by the age of seven, Jerry was out-eating me!"
=============================================================
Incredible!
Good Night & may God Bless and forgive you all!
posted by Marcus Aurelius at 9:27 PM
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