The Last Bit.

UNS
April 4, 2005 - Vatican City.

In a surprising development today at the Vatican city as the Cardinals met to prepare for the upcoming conclave to elect a new Pope, Cardinal Mammal a member of the Asinus Party dropped a bombshell! Cardinal Mammal stated the new rules to elect a pope are un-constitutional and he demanded the rules be returned to the old format. In order to elect a new pope 2/3 of the conclave must vote for a single candidate. This led to lame-duck papacies or ineffective Popes. Pope John Paul II changed the rules to allow for a simple majority of votes after 30 unsuccessful votes.

Cardinal Mammal said:

Isn't this pretty-pretty-pretty! The Pope changed the rules to the advantage of the Cardinal Balsam's party. This roughshod approach shows disrespect for the democratic principles we all hold dear!

When it was noted the Church is an institution where God himself sets the rules through the Pope Cardinal Mammal replied "Muzzy! You see these Popes! They change a little here, a little there and before you know it will be a theocracy!"

Cardinal Mammal's extreme age disqualifies him from voting and participating in the conclave but he is fighting to restore the 2/3 rule. He recently appeared in front of a crowd of supporters from the group SodOff.Org. SodOff.Org's young crowd loved Cardinal Mammal's fiery speech and told the Church they own the Church now. Not only does SodOff.Org aim to register new "Shadow-Cardinals" to elect their own Pope they aim to reverse centuries old doctrine. SodOff.Org's chief financier George Acheos (pronounced ache-ose) said he has never seen such a power grab in all his days. Acheos notes "We will fight this takeover, who do they think they are? The Pope?"


Good Night!