The Speculative Postage Stamp Market!

From the Economic Wire of the Unbelievable News Service:
5/24/2007 - Appleton Wisconsin.

In an interesting play two independent financial advisors - Hank Bruptsy and Shay D. Idee are teaming up to speculate on – the new forever postage stamp. Hank Bruptsy chief partner says I have a great play in mind. "It's obvious! We buy the stamps in large volumes at forty-one cents each and then the next time the USPS raises their rates we split the difference with consumers. Say the rates go to forty-five cents per stamp, simple we sell our supply of stamps for forty-four cents each and pocket three cents per stamp and save the consumer one cent per stamp. It is a win-win situation for us and the consumer! Our next project is to sell postage stamp options. We are coming up with this super plan to sell postage stamp puts!"

When asked to comment on this plan P. Ost the regional USPS manager said: "They had better not be doing that. Pretty soon, speculation like that will drive the price of stamps just like happens with gasoline!".

Financial Analyst Norm E. Conomic from the Chicago financial consultancy firm of High Finance Me, observes "This is a great idea, I think the USPS and the US Government may step in and wreck what is a mutually beneficial service to both buyer and seller. Oh well, that is what the government seems to relish the most. What I want to see is how they plan to sell put stamp options."

Protests Against Big Citrus

UNS
January 27, 2007

Protests took place today at a grocery store in Appleton Wisconsin. Protesters carried signs and chanted slogans protesting against the increase in citrus fruit prices. Discussions with protesters revealed a number of concerns. Protester Orville James from nearby Kimberly was concerned about the rapid rise in citrus fruit prices. "Come on, the price of the fruit is rising so quickly even before the new batches of fruit can get here. This weather stuff is just an excuse to gouge us." Protester Olivia Johnson was skeptical of any shortages "They tell us there is a fruit shortage, yeah right. There is plenty of citrus fruit in the stores, I can find lemons, limes, oranges, and yes even grapefruit. However, I refuse to knuckle under to gougers and refuse to buy the fruit at those high prices." An Owen Jinkles complained about having to make difficult choices "This rise in citrus prices means I have to choose between eating fruit or getting a new game for my Wii console, it is just not fair!"

Congressman Steve Kagen is concerned about the actions of big citrus and proposes to do something about it. "First off, in the next 100 hours we will propose removing all subsidies and tax breaks from big citrus. Then we will pour money into research developing alternative citrus fruits.
Together, we will stick it to big citrus!"

Industry and economic analysts think differently. Ophelia Jackson citrus crops analyst from the Lehman and Lyme Funds investment house notes that citrus fruits markets follow the law of supply and demand just like any other product or service. The abnormally cold weather throughout much of the America's citrus growing regions destroyed much of the crop, with the decrease in supply the price naturally rises. Those who really love citrus fruits will continue to buy them and make a sacrifice elsewhere. We do this all the time." Orson Jarvis the President's top citrus affairs advisor notes the reason there appears to be plenty of fruit in the store is because those who are less fond of citrus fruits are deterred from buying fruit, thereby leaving the fruit on the shelves for those who love citrus fruits and are therefore willing to pay more." Otto Jorgensen a local accountant also notes that all participants in the supply chain usually use cost averaging that transmits price changes much quicker to the end customer then pricing each batch.

The protesters are still not convinced. Protester Oscar Jansen says "No blood for orange juice. President Bush for certain is planning a war for OJ you watch. That build up on the border is not to guard the border but to invade Mexico for its citrus fruits, we will not stand for it!"

Charlie Datoona Thanks Nancy.

UNS - 1/4/2007 San Francisco
Charlie Datoona Thanks Nancy Pelosi
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In a public statement Charlie Datoona thanked Nancy Pelosi for the help she provided StarKist tuna.

I want to thank Nancy Pelosi for this San Francisco treat! Without the minimum wage exemption I might never get to be a StarKist tuna, now at least I have a chance. My friends are eager to join the StarKist team and now StarKist will be able to employ more people it is more likely to happen.

Charlie Datoona's arch rival in the tuna industry the Chicken of the Sea mermaid had the following statement:

This stinks to no end. Now, I will have to lay off workers, reconsider our future expansion plans, and pass on labor cost increases to our customers. This gives Charlie Datoona an unfair market advantage. It's like it was Charlie himself writing the legislation. No wonder they were in such a hurry to get this bill passed. I-I-I could just cry!

Mack E. Ral an industry analyst notes there are no reasonable suspicions of legislative malfeasance or impropriety here, but it does seem a constituent of the Speaker of the House has gained an inexplicable favor. Mack goes onto say I do not blame anyone for thinking otherwise [that there is no legislative favoritism]. Mr. Ral expressed hope the bill would be fixed to either remove the exemption or the whole bill would just go away.

We will see, we will see.